


All In My Head

by Iamsoparalysed



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor Speaks French (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor is Bad at Feelings (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor is in Hell for a Reason (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust Being Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust-Typical Sexual Content (Hazbin Hotel), Asexual Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Deer boy just wants to be loved too, Hurt Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Husk Being Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Husk Swears (Hazbin Hotel), Husk is Bad At Feelings (Hazbin Hotel), Like, M/M, Multi, Paranoia, Soft Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Soft Husk (Hazbin Hotel), it is there i think, look closely, the ship is implied, this fic is just me venting really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27628252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamsoparalysed/pseuds/Iamsoparalysed
Summary: This takes place a while after Alastor arrives at the hotel. He makes himself believe that the crew are his friends. But are they? Do they care about him? He could never be sure. How long until Alastor's need for validation crushes him completely?Disclaimer; I intend to rip your hearts out. My idea behind this was based on the Alastor comic initially, he seems very lonely despite how social he may be, or want to be. I enjoy writing angst when I feel down myself, so I decided to make Alastor suffer. This is my first story on ao3 by the way, just forewarning you.
Relationships: Alastor & Alastor's Shadow (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor & Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Husk (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

They always started slowly, these thoughts. Then they sped up as time went on, as pondering took place. The voices chanted repeatedly in his mind, laced in static and malicious venom as if they were truly in his head; scavenging around for any small insecurity and turning it into something huge. 

This was one of those times. 

Alastor was slumped in a less than gentlemanly manner against his office chair, his legs perched on top of his rich, wooden desk and his arms hung lazily over the upholstered arms of the chair as he idly bobbed his foot up and down to a beat that just wasn't there. His mind was besting him yet again. But alas, what good would it do him if he just sat there and allowed it to eat him up? 

That _was_ his mindset. 

It was only until the sanguine deer greeted the hotels lobby with a grin and a spring in his step that things went decidedly wrong. How, you may ask? A carefully woven plan to ambush his dear alcoholic feline friend, Husker.

Step one: Alastor would approach the old cat!

Step two: he would generously offer (force) one of his cuddles; exclusively for Husk and only Husk! 

Step three: they would talk and exchange banter! 

However, Alastor's plan was extinguished the moment he stepped within a four feet range of the grumpy veteran. 

* * *

"Husker, dearest!" Sang the eccentric deer as he practically skipped down the entire length of the lobby, just to smack his hands down on the bar top and plop himself down onto a stool; his legs crossing over one another whilst he rested his chin in his leather clad palms. The old cat was already awake and rubbing away at a glass with a cloth, surprisingly, whilst taking large gulps of cheap booze, unsurprisingly. 

"Fuck off." Husk replied, not even sparing Alastor a glance. Sure it was rather harsh, but it was too early for the brats shit. And Husk was too sober to deal with him anyway. "Rude!" Replied the deer with a dramatic gasp, followed by a fond laugh and shuffling. _Now_ , Husk trains his gaze forwards to meet Alastor leaning over and gently patting his shoulder, his head tilting ever so slightly and his expression akin to that of a child seemingly endeared by his ways. Husk scoffed. He knew Alastor was all for the theatrics, he always had been, ever since before their inevitable deaths. Alastor's being an untimely one at that. And that is why the feline didn't care for whatever the red clad demon had to say. It was all bullshit and meaningless words anyway, Alastor only ever seemed to bother Husk when he wanted to ramble on about whatever came to his mind at that moment. So he was quick to push the offending hand away and take a small step back, narrowing his eyes before going back to what he was doing. "Go bother someone else. It's too early for you and I to be interacting or some shit." Husk glanced back, watching as Alastor slowly retracted his hands; his shoulders rising with the tension that came with the unwelcome contact. He seemed to curl in on himself a bit, and he had averted his own crimson gaze to the bars surface; drumming his fingers to make a melodic sound.

"Well," Alastor began, his grin tightening just a tad before quickly reverting back to its former shit-eating glory. As if nothing had... bothered him? If you could even say that. "Don't you think it is a lovely day today?" Questioned the overlord, making Husk inhale through his nostrils in confined irritation. "No. Bye." The cat sighed and turned around to have his back face Alastor before the other man could even get another word out. He raised his finger, grunted, then lowered it again; pushing himself up and off of the stool to go and meander around elsewhere, or rather, seat himself back down on one of the uncomfortable couches that the hotel bared.

The deer truly did wish Husker would listen sometimes. He did have interesting things to talk about! He did! Alastor wasn't all just jokes and blabbering, no! He could converse like a normal... demon, about actual significant things! No problem at all! 

But there was problems whether he liked it or not. It wasn't uncommon that his fellow furry friend pushed him away. He had done that since the moment they first met. But it did start to sting after a while. Alastor remembered the day he and Husker made a deal as if it were just yesterday. How Alastor only said he had required a few things from the cat. Loyalty and friendship. Of course, there were the other details that often entailed when making these deals; it was something that couldn't be avoided. But to ease Husker of his constant melancholic state and to give him what he wanted and asked for, Alastor wanted to be his friend in return. He wanted his undying loyalty for if the time ever came, he'd need assistance and reassurance that someone would have his back. And of course the senile felines soul came standard with the contract. Though the two didn't speak much of it. Husk was quick to agree, and without second thought, he shook the deers hand, already seeing loopholes he could use to narrowly avoid being the psychotic man's friend for real. 

Alastor had never explicitly stated _Husk_ had to be his friend, but rather, the other way round. 

Alastor still kicked himself to this day for that slip up. But he knew he couldn't just find companionship in a deal and be content with it. No. He wanted it to be real. However, that was difficult, because as time rolled on, Husker grew more and more unwilling to sit and let Alastor talk, just like everybody else. 

Just like... everybody else. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor finally gets listened to.

It really was a shame, being human once before. It came with unwanted emotions and that came with unwanted attention. Alastor would often remember the racist slurs that were thrown his way during school. Those children would tear him down, and heavens knew it was the metaphorical cherry on top of the already hard time he faced back in the cabin with his parents. 

The deer remembered how he'd return home and immediately bolt past his mama to his room. He didn't want her to see the bruises and the cuts that littered his already beaten body. He didn't want her to know he hadn't been smiling.

... But she _always_ knew. 

It was almost like a don't ask don't tell situation. His mother was aware of the trying times he had at his place of learning, she was aware of how he was treated by both children and adults. Classed as scum of the world with his darker complexion. She knew how his white fathers level of feigned superiority over him had him submitting to such a cruel lifestyle. However, she also knew that her son was an eccentric boy. He wanted to be strong, even when he was repeatedly being kicked in the gut by society. It was a mistake on her part, unknowingly, but she would leave the boy to it. To tend to his own wounds then come downstairs hours later for dinner. There was the upside to that slip up, where she would take Alastor by his dainty shoulders and look him in the eyes with a sad smile, telling him that the world may be against him now... But they would soon see. She would pull him in for a loving hug and a gentle kiss on his forehead before pinching his dimpled cheeks and chuckling fondly at the small childs playful protests. And then she would shoo him upstairs for bed before his father returned from a 'rough' day at work to take it out on his poor family.

He remembered how that one bit of happiness he had was ruined as he pushed his unsuspecting papa into the bayous waters with a bunch hungry gators, then shot him with his own hunting rifle at the young age of 15. He remembered the thrill and how he somehow talked and cried his way out of it, fooling the police into thinking it was a tragic accident. He thought his mother would have been elated to be finally rid of that poor excuse of a man. But she only distanced herself from him. They never spoke of it, but Alastor had a feeling that his poor mother knew that he murdered her husband. 

Freedom... It came with a price... But his mother rarely ever got hurt again, and he was willing to pay that price for her safety and happiness. If cuddles were less frequent, if cooking was a one-person job, if being pushed aside meant that he never had to worry, then so be it. He did miss being #1... But he knew she still loved him. She was just being cautious... That was all but confirmed when she passed on...

The deer shook those dark thoughts from his head once again and glanced around the hotel lobby, the redness reminding him properly of where he was, and that he was to put on the biggest smile possible, just like Hell expected him to. Alastor squinted and hummed to himself, not really at anything in particular. He was just... Trying to seem like he wasn't having mixed feelings on the past. That would be increasingly awkward if someone were to figure him out! Where is the mystery in that? 

The red clad overlord chuckled to himself and rose from his seat. He was strong. He was going to right back to Husker and make him listen.

Literally.

* * *

Husk should have known this was coming. Whenever he finally thinks he has gotten rid of that deer freak, he comes running back after deliberating some evil plan for 20 minutes straight. He couldn't catch a break! It didn't help that the fucker gave him... Some very invasive feelings. Thank God for giving him fur to hide the rising colour on his face. Sure, Husk told Alastor to fuck himself and go away very often, and sure sometimes he... Didn't actually want that. Fuck. What was he thinking.. He needed a drink. 

A glance to the half full half empty bottle of booze in his paw, then to the cabinet of alcohol behind him. No. One wasn't enough, he concluded. 

The cat placed the aforementioned drink down and got himself another, popping off the cap with a claw and sitting back down, mentally preparing himself for Alastors tinny, stupid, attractive, dumb fuck voice with his intoxicating drink.

"HUSKER!" No. Was not prepared. Husk spluttered anyway and flinched at the abrasiveness of Alastor's approach, his grimace only deepening as Alastor leaned over the bar and grabbed his cheeks. Fuck... Thats hot. But this was no time to get turned on, the offending deer looked torn between hugging Husk to a second death and actually tearing his ears off.

"Husker." Alastor growled, his eyes squinted and his smile not exactly downturned, but as frowny as he could make it without not smiling. Husk had to hold himself from laughing, it was too cute. But also too early. The fuck was he doing again??

"Husker look at me, I am sad! You keep on zoning out, stop it!" Alastor whined and smooshed Huskers cheeks some more before huffing and flopping back dramatically onto a stool, dropping his forehead onto the bar with a soft thud before throwing his arms over his head. 

The feline raised a brow and rubbed his face before putting his suprisingly unharmed bottle down and propping his weight onto his elbows as if to say he was listening carefully. Ah. Well. May as well humour the idiot. Something did seem to be off anyway, Alastor never confessed that he had emotions otherwise. It couldn't really be anything too bad though. Or so he thought. 

"Fuckin'- alright. Whats wrong, Alastor. Why are you sad?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had a change of plans. This is a Husk x Alastor now because jdjdksdnsj
> 
> So uh, let me know if you liked my new previously bad chapter

**Author's Note:**

> So, I will be updating this if people ask for more. The chapter ended abruptly so I do want to see where this goes myself as I truthfully have no clue! But aaGhhhh- 
> 
> A n g s t . We all love it.


End file.
